In the Beginning
I lived a tumultuous yet unique childhood as the only child of a studious librarian mother and a father who came out of the closet as gay when I was about two years old. We moved around a lot while my mother finished her Master's degree and then went on to find her place in the world. As such, I was exposed to a variety of cultures and experiences -- both wonderful and traumatic -- that molded me into the empathic and open-minded young woman I became. By the time I reached college age, I knew that there was something more to the world than what our eyes can see. But, I was confused about who I was, and I had a great deal of emotional baggage that I had no idea what to do with. It was at that time my search for meaning began, although then I was still buying into the idea that the "answer" would be found outside myself...
The Wandering Womanchild
In early adulthood, I bounced in and out of relationships, dabbled in various religions, changed my college major from Biology, to Illustration, to French, and then to Art. I was a girl on a mission, desperately seeking something (or someone) I believed would fill the gaping void I felt inside. For a time, I was clinically depressed, and for another, dangerously manic. I was half-diagnosed with a litany of disorders, from ADHD to bipolar. By the time I was 30, I had delivered three amazing sons into the world, but was in the final stages of a toxic, unraveling marriage. Too many of the life choices I had made had caused pain to me and the people I loved. I thought I was doomed to always "mess things up", or perhaps that I had racked up "bad karma" and was paying it back one horrible situation at a time. Little did I know that I myself had manifested every one of these conditions into my life. EVERY one. Good or bad. It would take another fifteen years to fully grasp the power -- and the responsibility -- of that fact. However, once that day came, my awakening blossomed into fullness...
A Wise Woman Stirs
If there's a story in this world of an easy-breezy spiritual awakening, I've yet to hear one, and I've heard a lot. Mine began in the summer of 2011, when my father was diagnosed with glioblastoma (a type of brain cancer). He had emergency surgery, and I flew to Florida to be with him and help settle his affairs, but the doctors had given him a few months at most. He lasted longer than they thought, leaving this life in April of 2012. The day I walked out of his hospice room, knowing I'd never see him in this life again, was among the darkest I've ever experienced. And in less than two years, I not only lost my dad, but also my best friend to breast cancer, another dear friend to suicide, and our two beloved cats.
Meanwhile, conditions at home were strained. I had remarried back in 2008 - right before the housing market crash, when we lost everything we'd just begun to build. We loved each other deeply, but we were under a huge amount of pressure to keep our family together and strong. My boys each needed their mother at home for important reasons while my husband was working long hours to make ends meet. I became isolated and desperately lonely. I started suggesting divorce, and was convinced my husband didn't really love or want me. I saw him as constantly cranky and critical, unwilling to connect. Once again, I was convinced "the answer" was out there in the world. Further, I just knew it was my own spiritual beliefs that were leading me to that place. Because you see, all along I'd been studying various spiritual practices, everything from Tarot to astral projection, Chaos Magick to Kabbalah. I felt that somewhere in all these modalities I would find my Ultimate Truth. I was about half-right. Enter several rounds of what is commonly called The Dark Night of the Soul. (See also: Be Careful What You Wish For.)
The Crisis Point
By midsummer 2017, my marriage had reached a critical point. My self esteem was at an all-time low, and I had again talked myself into making plans to split up. For a little while, I felt some relief that the battle would finally come to a close. The bigger feeling, however, was a horrible sense that if I truly let him go, then I would be losing the one kindred soul above all others who knew me and loved me best. Within weeks, I knew for certain that I loved this one person more profoundly than I had ever loved anyone, other than my children. I knew I had to try one last time to connect.
For the sake of others' privacy, the story that follows is brief. In short, my attempt appeared to be too late. For six months, our marriage was on the razor's edge of ending, and I felt utterly and completely alone. Despite feeling I'd already overcome the Dark Night of the Soul, this period turned out to be the Real Deal. Frantically, I started searching the Internet for help. "How to win back your husband", "how to save your marriage", "five steps to rekindle the passion"... that was the sort of thing I found. I hired a relationship coach, and tried my hardest to follow his advice. I tried Magick, reverse psychology, self-improvement workbooks, becoming more independent... Nothing seemed to help, and I fell deeper and deeper into despair. I was primed for either a massive awakening, or total self-destruction. Every bad decision I'd ever made haunted me. What I had done to deserve this pain? Sure, I'd messed up, and I apologized, but was I actually just a bad person after all? Was I unlovable? But he'd messed up, too. So was I right all along? Should I just give up and forget the whole thing? I was the textbook image of a codependent person in the throes of a nervous breakdown, and borderline suicidal.
In the middle of yet another sleepless night alone, I was searching YouTube for "ways to get your ex back". Now, understand that I had watched The Secret, I had tried all the Abraham-Hicks "rampages of gratitude", "raising your vibration", all that jazz. The trouble with "raising my vibration", however, was that the effects of doing those exercises only seemed to last about the length of time it took to do them. Once the recording was over, it was back to the dreary reality I had unwittingly called into being.
So curled into a ball on the bed with my iPad, a lecture from Neville Goddard flashed onto my screen. I had already spent the last of my meager petty cash on a series of "save your marriage" recordings written by well-meaning psychologists. So I thought, if this is another of those pay just four easy installments of whatever for the keys to unlock your relationship potential... gag... you get what I mean. But this was apparently free. So I clicked. And in so doing, changed my life forever.
I couldn't believe what this man was saying!
Man (humankind), is All Imagination, and Imagination is God. Every seed that you plant in your wonderful human imagination, if tended consistently with belief, will blossom into being in your physical reality. If you have imagined fights with your beloved, and you feed those thoughts consistently with the feeling of anger and pain, those imagined fights WILL play themselves out in your actual reality. Often, they will play out word-for-word, although you might not notice them at the time.
The examples didn't stop at just romantic relationships, though.
If you hold the belief in your conscious, or even subconscious mind, that you will never receive a promotion at work, then you will experience the reflection of that belief in your outer world: Your work life will be unsatisfying.
If you believe that money is evil, and only greedy people have it, then you will live a life of poverty. Any wealth you do happen to receive will be tainted by your belief in its "badness". So you will either lose the money, or you will have bad experiences around it.
The more I listened, the more I understood that there nothing in my outer world needed to change in order for me to be happy. What needed to change, was ME. And in order for me to change, I had to immediately change my thoughts. I had to use my imagination consciously and lovingly for my sake, and for the good of those around me. Remember that void I kept feeling, the empty place inside that needed to be filled? Well, I knew then what I needed to fill it with - and nobody had ever stopped me but me.
"Imagine better than the best you know."
I got started right away.
Transformation: A Wise Woman Is Born
What transpired next was nothing short of miraculous, and I'll get to all that in a moment. First, I have to tell you that it wasn't as easy as flipping a switch. I had a lot of false starts, a lot of backsliding. I made all the classic mistakes (which I'll be teaching you how NOT to make, in my blog and in my upcoming courses). One example of such a mistake was telling others what I was working on manifesting (the return of my husband). But that's not important right now. What matters is that whenever I noticed I was off the path, I got right back on it again and started fresh. It's okay to mess up! To err IS human after all, and God (Imagination), is all-forgiving (forgiveness is divine). And yes, I still mess up from time to time. Oh well!
First things first, within a few months of truly applying Neville to my life, my husband returned to me. Not only did he return, but he did so with more passion and dedication than I would ever have dreamed of previously. We reunited ready to truly connect to one another, to support each other fully in our dreams, and most of all seeing in each other the perfect reflection of God living through a unique human perspective. If you've ever dreamed of experiencing that kind of love, I can solidly attest that it's real, and that it's definitely possible through the conscious use of your beautiful Human Imagination.
In the months that followed, we had long conversations about Neville, about music and art, about our dreams for our future together. We started doing more things together than we ever had. We celebrated life, and we celebrated each other. A spot opened up for a singer in my husband's band. I auditioned, and was accepted in. So we now have that wonderful activity to share together.
My husband took on a whole new career, the whole time understanding from our conversations that it's possible to have anything you want. Therefore, he's been amazingly successful, despite the conditions of the outer world (such as COVID).
Situations that seemed hopeless have been resolved. People I once thought would never cooperate with me on anything have now become solid allies. I have imagined lovely things for other people, and watched from afar while they received their gifts. Helping others feels amazing, often more amazing than helping yourself!
Long story long, there is no more void within me waiting to be filled. In fact, the truth goes deeper than that: There was never a void to begin with. My problem wasn't that I was empty, but rather that I was filling my consciousness with unlovely things. The moment I started using my imagination for beauty, abundance, forgiveness, and love... my whole world flipped on its head, and became a place of wonder.
Does this mean that my world is perfect now? Yes and no. There are always challenges to overcome. There's always something I'd like to manifest, something I'd like to be different. What makes it perfect is that I am awake to my own power of creation. What is unwanted can be changed or eliminated. What is wanted can be called into being. Applying it can be hard, but it really is that simple. And it gets easier the more you do it.
I hope that by sharing this story I can inspire you to apply these same principles to your own life. You can be, do, and have absolutely anything your heart desires. I know this to be true, and I'm excited to show you how to prove that truth to yourself.
In Love and Light,